The object

Smaller than a leftover gum wrapper

Saltier than a hand-picked tomato

Curvier than a red snapper

Crunchier than a steamed sweet potato

Mellower than a carolina reaper

Deadlier than a vending machine

Lighter than a black cow’s femur

Tastier than a season-less navy bean 

Darker than a recycled paper sheaf

Sweeter than a moldy grape

Plainer than a new hampshire maple leaf

Weaker than a broken sculpture wrapped in tape

I will count to thirty three

Now go and find it for me