Absurd

2 min read

Cheater

An altercation between a married couple over an unofrtunate event during a bachelor party

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“What the fuck do you mean, it doesn’t matter? You had sex with a prostitute, Alvin, a fucking prostitute!”

“Look, okay, it was just a bachelor party. That’s kind of the whole point. It wasn’t real sex.” 

“I just… I just don’t understand.Why?” 

“Em, you know I love you. I love you more than ever. But I was drunk, I was drunk and I made a mistake. But you have to just let it go.” 

“Let it go? Wow. Haha. MY HUSBAND JUST FUCKED A PROSTITUTE, how am I expected to just let it go. You knew exactly what you were doing, but you thought I wouldn’t find out, didn’t you?” 

“I was drunk, and I was high, and it was stupid. But it was meaningless. Look, I don’t even remember her name. It was just a lapse in judgment, and it was stupid, but I didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“Nothing wrong? Well, how would you feel if I went outside and started fucking the mailman? But it would just be meaningless, right? It wouldn’t matter, right? God, I fucking knew it. My mom said you were too good to be true, I guess she was right. Because you’re just a liar and a cheating fucking coward.” 

“Emma, you know-”

“Honestly, I don’t even know what to do.  I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I just need to get out of here.” 

“Hey, Emma, wait, just let-” 


“Are you okay, Mrs. Davis? I heard you yelling in there.” 

“I just… I’m going on a walk. Tell Alvin I’ll be gone for a few hours.” 

“I, uh… I’ll be here if you need anyone to talk to.”  


Welcome, Mrs. Davis. Where would you like to go today? 

“Take me to the park, Mercedes.” 

Which park would you like to go to, Mrs. Davis? 

“Washington Park.” 

The one on 30th Avenue or Harbrook Avenue, Mrs Davis?

“30th. And play Mercedes Relaxing Rain Sounds #5.” 

As you wish, Mrs. Davis. 

“Turn your nightmares into your dreams;

The Mercedes-Benz S-Class GZ350 Chauffeur.”

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“What the fuck do you mean, it doesn’t matter? You had sex with a prostitute, Alvin, a fucking prostitute!”

“Look, okay, it was just a bachelor party. That’s kind of the whole point. It wasn’t real sex.” 

“I just… I just don’t understand.Why?” 

“Em, you know I love you. I love you more than ever. But I was drunk, I was drunk and I made a mistake. But you have to just let it go.” 

“Let it go? Wow. Haha. MY HUSBAND JUST FUCKED A PROSTITUTE, how am I expected to just let it go. You knew exactly what you were doing, but you thought I wouldn’t find out, didn’t you?” 

“I was drunk, and I was high, and it was stupid. But it was meaningless. Look, I don’t even remember her name. It was just a lapse in judgment, and it was stupid, but I didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“Nothing wrong? Well, how would you feel if I went outside and started fucking the mailman? But it would just be meaningless, right? It wouldn’t matter, right? God, I fucking knew it. My mom said you were too good to be true, I guess she was right. Because you’re just a liar and a cheating fucking coward.” 

“Emma, you know-”

“Honestly, I don’t even know what to do.  I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I just need to get out of here.” 

“Hey, Emma, wait, just let-” 


“Are you okay, Mrs. Davis? I heard you yelling in there.” 

“I just… I’m going on a walk. Tell Alvin I’ll be gone for a few hours.” 

“I, uh… I’ll be here if you need anyone to talk to.”  


Welcome, Mrs. Davis. Where would you like to go today? 

“Take me to the park, Mercedes.” 

Which park would you like to go to, Mrs. Davis? 

“Washington Park.” 

The one on 30th Avenue or Harbrook Avenue, Mrs Davis?

“30th. And play Mercedes Relaxing Rain Sounds #5.” 

As you wish, Mrs. Davis. 

“Turn your nightmares into your dreams;

The Mercedes-Benz S-Class GZ350 Chauffeur.”

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“What the fuck do you mean, it doesn’t matter? You had sex with a prostitute, Alvin, a fucking prostitute!”

“Look, okay, it was just a bachelor party. That’s kind of the whole point. It wasn’t real sex.” 

“I just… I just don’t understand.Why?” 

“Em, you know I love you. I love you more than ever. But I was drunk, I was drunk and I made a mistake. But you have to just let it go.” 

“Let it go? Wow. Haha. MY HUSBAND JUST FUCKED A PROSTITUTE, how am I expected to just let it go. You knew exactly what you were doing, but you thought I wouldn’t find out, didn’t you?” 

“I was drunk, and I was high, and it was stupid. But it was meaningless. Look, I don’t even remember her name. It was just a lapse in judgment, and it was stupid, but I didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“Nothing wrong? Well, how would you feel if I went outside and started fucking the mailman? But it would just be meaningless, right? It wouldn’t matter, right? God, I fucking knew it. My mom said you were too good to be true, I guess she was right. Because you’re just a liar and a cheating fucking coward.” 

“Emma, you know-”

“Honestly, I don’t even know what to do.  I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I just need to get out of here.” 

“Hey, Emma, wait, just let-” 


“Are you okay, Mrs. Davis? I heard you yelling in there.” 

“I just… I’m going on a walk. Tell Alvin I’ll be gone for a few hours.” 

“I, uh… I’ll be here if you need anyone to talk to.”  


Welcome, Mrs. Davis. Where would you like to go today? 

“Take me to the park, Mercedes.” 

Which park would you like to go to, Mrs. Davis? 

“Washington Park.” 

The one on 30th Avenue or Harbrook Avenue, Mrs Davis?

“30th. And play Mercedes Relaxing Rain Sounds #5.” 

As you wish, Mrs. Davis. 

“Turn your nightmares into your dreams;

The Mercedes-Benz S-Class GZ350 Chauffeur.”

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